Two Sides of the Same Coin?

Thinking about the difference between Selfishness and Self-Interest, I found this link from Phil Miller of Market Power Blog blogging about it earlier this year. I'll start by saying I don't like this answer (nothing against the blogger who wrote it, nor am I declaring victory). He says that when a person acts with self-interest, you take not only your benefit from your action, but the benefits (or lack there of) of others (call them 'stakeholders'); and selfishness is when you don't.  But couldn't someone benefit someone else, say by transacting (trading) with them, and not be at all concerned with what happens to them? And on the other hand, can't someone inflict great harm on someone else, even when they consider others in their (I'll keep it with trading) decisions?  In other words, doesn't the old adage go that "the road to hell is paved with good intentions"?

In my humble opinion, the difference isn't with what people's intention are, it's in the connotation people attach to others' decisions - selfish being negative; self-interest being positive. The beauty of a market system is that it doesn't matter which your intentions are, you'll either go broke bending over backwards to be 'self-interested' (or it's just a marketing point, and is one of the first things to go in a downturn; or eventually the externality costs will catch up with you, either through regulation or competition.

I think Mr. Miller's intention (his self-interestedness?) is admirable, he's trying to make it OK for people to continue to act in (what's left of) our market economy. For a layman, that's fine, we can make it OK (or is it?), but this is economics dammit! We need to get it right...(don't we?)